I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
