I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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