from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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