Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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