I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
