just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
