Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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