We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
