Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
