So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
