now i know why i became what i already was.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
