Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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