Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
