Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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