I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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