i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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