Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I know her cup size but not her name....
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