god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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