I got chris browned last night
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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