If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
