for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
