I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize