he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
