I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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