It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
