had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
