wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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