thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
