ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
