I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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