dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
