my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
