I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
