I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
