He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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