You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize