Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
