don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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