Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
