Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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