we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
