is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize