On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
