Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
50% drunk capacity currently
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
