I hope mine doesn't look like that
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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