If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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