first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
