Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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