Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
