she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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