There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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