I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
