The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize