You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
