I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
