i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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