dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
