how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
