i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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