We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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