eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
