there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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