listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
