One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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