This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
