Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
