somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
