I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
