i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
