I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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